What If?: Time To Worship Christaur

Crucified Christaur


Now here’s something profoundly amusing.


Jesus Centaur

Some more fun here.


June 8, 2014 · 12:22 PM

2 responses to “What If?: Time To Worship Christaur

  1. While I realize that these two pieces are satire (especially the bottom one), this is somewhat reminds me (although I’m not sure why) of The Temptation of St. Anthony (by the centaur and satyr):
    “…while the centaur acknowledged the overthrow of the gods…”
    Perhaps Cheiron was a “son of G*d”?
    Sorry. Proof that one should not write while under the influence of ambrosia.

    • I always wonder how the Church (as in Catholic) managed the feat of simultaneously creating a bigger fantasy life for its adherents through co-opting the tenants of paganism and then denying their veracity. It took centuries to achieve the “overthrow of the gods” of the ancient Greeks and Romans. Yet, the influence of those deities is pervasive still. The legends live with a vitality that must confound the purveyors of Christian dogma. How the Church must have wished it had powerful magicians like Hercules and his all-powerful Dad, Zeus. But, lacking such flawed creations, it manufactured a single wrathful deity who was even worse, more terrifying and must have continually cowed the innocent and gullible peasants of the day. Eventually, a new breed of deity as savior (rather than oppressor) was unveiled in the form of too-entirely perfect Jesus. Someone it is impossible for mere mortals to ever measure up to. So skip learning how to have a good life on Planet Earth and pray to be delivered to the fantasy land called Heaven. Or, because this perfect entity demands it, if you fail to worship correctly then down you go. Talk about confusing the masses with claptrap.

      Surely, St. Anthony The Great was a prime deliverer of the putrid party line of his dogmatic time. The symbolism of his manimal adversaries (both centaur and satyr) cannot help but reveal how the church abhorred nature-born worship. That Satan is frequently depicted with the characteristics of Pan is another vivid example of how the church’s leaders cut out villainy from the whole-cloth of Greco-Roman mythology. How to beat the old legends? Cast them anew.

      Cheiron could indeed be the Son of Jehovah. For Jehovah is just a nastier recasting of Zeus. Unfortunately, the wise mentor didn’t suit the purposes of the new-fangled monotheistic dogma. He was cast to close to the evil nature worship the Church worked to abolish in the name of progressive (I use this term loosely) enlightenment and the rising architecture of civilization. Cheiron was too much of a dramatic and vital nature being for the likes of Wrathful Jehovah worshipers. Out he went and with him went Pan and every other vestige of pagan myth that failed to suit Christian purposes. Yet, with the advent of the internet, Cheiron and Pan, (among others) have managed to rise anew as the image of Jesus continually morphs and people who would once have lazily accepted life-long adherence to Christianity (among the many other religions that demand obeisance) are now willing to step forward and say “Fuck this shit! I’m atheist.”

      In the past, only the well-educated ever encountered the legends of old. For the moment, anyone with access to the Web can become informed that there were deities before the advent of “The One”. And not only are those deities far more fascinating, but they offer something that Jesus and his ilk cannot: a strong and lasting connection to the power of nature and how it can work for the common man and his common good.

      Cheiron was the true healer who relied on the power of his spirit connected to nature. He wasn’t duping folks to believe that he was able to perform magic shows (loaves and fishes anyone?) like the newer kid on the block. Because of that I can readily appreciate the myth of the wise centaur. He will always hold a cherished position in my fantasy life unlike the imaginary Son of Jehovah, Jesus, who just manages to make me feel like a haven’t a chance to be so pious and true-blue. I’ll take lusty centaur images over stigmata like crowns of thorns, bleeding hearts, crosses and driven nail wounds any day.

      Ambrosia? Trust me if you had the real thing you wouldn’t even be able to write a scrawl. LOL Here in Washington we have access to something some folks liken to ambrosia, but I frequently think it is more like lotus petals.

      Thanks for writing, James.


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